I have never cared for children. There is no memory of their wearisome ways from my own childhood. It is for this reason that I avoid malls and other such places during the most likely hours of their assemblage.

Had it not been for the new shoes I was wearing, this day would not have been an exception, as I would have been out of the shopping mall much earlier. Believing I could not take another step, I selected an empty bench and removed my shoes, silently saying." Damn shoes!"

You can imagine my terror when from out of nowhere, as is their custom, this miniature person materialized wearing a T-shirt that would have been a size too large for Schwarzenegger. The bill on this kid's cap could have served as the deck for the U.S.S. Enterprise. Standing almost on my stocking feet, and smelling like watermelon chewing gum he asked, "What'cha doing?"

"What does it look like, Dumbo?" I snarled.

"I'm not dumb! I'll bet I'm smarter than you."

"Where are your parents?" I asked, as nervous sweat ran down my forehead into my eyes. I hate it when short people get the best of me.

"My mother’s over there." pointing, he added, "She's buying some see-through panties ‘cause she has a new boyfriend."

"Well, if that doesn't do it nothing will." I offered and followed up with, "Damned shoes!"

"Are you a pilot?" asked this bubble-popping monster.

"That's right, kid, or at least I used to be. How did you know that?"

"Cause you look like one." he said while sticking two thirds of a finger up his nose to remove some gum.

"Well, that takes care of me. What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked while putting my right shoe on the left foot.

"President!" he said with a smile as wide as the Mississippi River and, I suspect, as perilous as the Serengeti Plains.

"That's too bad! I was beginning to like you."

"You’ll like me when I’m president."

"What makes you think so, Dumbo?" I asked apathetically.

"Because I don't lie."

"That would help, but there seems to be more to it than that." I mumbled.

"Like what?" he asked with an innocence I had not heard in years.

"Like it takes a lot of money to get elected, so people will do things that hurt our country in order to get the money."

"Not the president!" he said with such sincerity that I thought maybe I was wrong.

"I’m afraid so, kid." I sighed.

"I would never put anything before my country. I would be just like my teacher." he said almost shouting while boring holes in me with two blazing brown eyes.

"Your teacher? What’s so special about your teacher?"

"She tells us we can be whatever we want to be. She's as fair to us boys as she is to the girls.  She tells everyone about the things we do that are really good. I love her and I'm going to be just like her!"

He turned and walked several steps before looking back over his shoulder, and through tears said, "I'm not dumb!"

Arriving at the car, I didn't have to open the door; I just kind of slithered in through the keyhole and drove home. Several times, I asked aloud, "Is it possible that one day we might actually end up with a president who did not lie, a person who would put our country before their own lust for money and power? Would they also wear huge T-shirts, awful looking caps, and smell like watermelon. If so, would it be worth it?"