It would be impossible to list all the things that can go wrong before and during a round of golf. Maybe your child is having health problems. Your car quit for no reason at all just as you pulled into the center lane of a busy expressway. Your employer informed you that your job went to some person in India. You suspect that the love of your life is having an affair.

Troubled as you are, you decide to play hoping that you can escape this suffering for a few hours. You hit your tee shot right down the center of the fairway and now you can’t find it. On the very next hole, your opponent’s ball was headed out of bounds, but hit a tree and ended up in the fairway. Then you hit a wedge to the green that hit a sprinkler head and hopped into a water hazard. And on and on it goes. Truly, I understand. But we must remember that every person on the course has had their share of heartaches and disappointments.

The cold hard facts are: golf is not a team sport and golf balls are unfeeling things. Golf balls are things designed to respond to the forces that we apply with the clubface, and once we’ve done that, we are no longer in control. The golfer who can accept these facts unconditionally has just lowered his/her handicap and, for the moment, escaped the suffering of the heart.

The most pathetic sight on a golf course for me is seeing a player throw a club, especially a player who should know better. I know a man who was headed for a great career as a professional golfer. But bad judgment by a player in the group behind him would change all that. This recreational player had never reached a par five in two, but he would on this day. The ball hit the pro in the head and now instead of playing with tour players, he’s stuck with golfers like me. He still has a single digit handicap, but the dream is gone, and while he is understandably bitter, cursing and throwing clubs does nothing for his game or the game of his playing partners. With all my heart, I’m sorry this happened to him, and if I could change it, I would.

"Ask yourself how many shots you would have saved if you always developed a strategy before you hit, always played within your capabilities, never lost your temper, and never got down on yourself." Mr. Jack Nicklaus

We have the privilege of using whatever excuse we want for playing bad. On a daily basis I hear, “I have to work. When I get a day off, I want to play, not practice.” I understand that. It’s not a big secret. If I make you the solemn promise that you can lower your handicap and have fun doing it without going to the practice tee, golf course, or even holding a club in your hand, will you try it? Cost: $0.00. Time involved: About four hours (hours can be spread over a thirty-day period).

Go to your local library and checkout these two books:

• Zen Golf by Dr. Joseph Parent (Doubleday).

• How To Make People Like You In 90 Seconds or Less by Nicholas Boothman (Workman).

“Wait a minute! What’s the last book on this list all about?” you ask.

It’s about having fellow players sincerely look for that lost ball of yours because they like you. Pulling for you instead of pulling against you. There's a lot more to being a winner than shooting the lowest score. And it produces miracles off the course as well.

A golfer’s actions between shots can add numerous strokes to his or her score. As you put your sunscreen on, think of it as a coat of good attitude.

While reading the aforementioned books, give this a try. Go off into a room alone and put a ball on the floor. Then step back behind the ball and pick out a target. Take a deep breath, and as you walk forward to address the ball, exhale and just breathe normally knowing you are going to send that ball to your target.